Break luck.

It's hard to keep the simple things of life going when you've got so much going on around you.
I haven't found the time to sit down in the middle of the day and read a book for god knows how long.
At least, I can't remember doing it. Maybe that is a result of my terrible memory.
Mind you, this is a result of being on the phone for a couple of hours a day, going places and inviting people around near enough every weekend, plus being at school, doing homework and revision, and going to my drama class.
I complain about the subjects I do. I shouldn't. I actually am in love with them.
I love learning about society, and I love that I'm able to pick and choose what I'm able to learn. I love that I'm not doing any sciences, I love that I don't have a shedload of homework, I love that I can be on the phone and the computer for four hours a night. I love that I'm fulfilling my interests.
I've just become one of those people who are too expectant.
As I said in a previous blog of mine, on another site- "Around me people can't wait to start uni, start driving, move out, get jobs, earn money... and then, following on logically, grow old and die.
Of course, the last two aren't mentioned."
I am one of those people.
I am one of the biggest hypocrites I know.
Before any of that happens, before the future pounces on me, I've got to pass these exams, and I've got to figure out a way not to procrastinate, not to take up time needlessly.
The biggest cause of this I can definitely say is having my own laptop.
It ruins lives.
And creates them.

I resolve to be on the laptop no more than three hours a day during exam break.
That's starting on Monday, the 24th of May, 2010, until the end of Friday, the 4th of June, 2010.

There we are.
A resolution with definite boundaries.

Break a leg Brittany.
No, that's for performing.
Good luck.
No that's not quite right either. I am putting on an act in a way, an act of putting off procrastinating, which is something I'm going to return to.
Procrastinating procrastinating. Putting off putting off. There's a poetic feel in that.
It may be a long, two week act, which no-one is willing to see.
But it's an act.
So; Good leg, Brittany. Break luck.

Thanks for reading.

Resolutions

You know what I find interesting?
Those little resolutions people make to themselves, just small ones. Like, "I'll get to the next leaf on the hill before I give up" while cycling.
Or, more appropriate to me.. "I'll just check one blog before I start my homework."
I think if you knew just these resolutions, not even the thoughts of a person, you would gain an incredible amount of insight into that person.
I keep making bigger forms of these resolutions.
"I'll work up the courage to strike up a conversation with him when I finish listening to this song."
"I'll tell her what I really think she should do, right after this week is over."
And then... bigger.
"I will fucking die, there's no way I can get through this."
I meant that last one literally.
Melodramatic attention-seeking teenager, you're probably thinking.
Probably what it should have been.
Probably what it is now, bringing it up again.

I don't know, what are they meant to change? Make us become a better person?
Are we better if we're dead?
No, that's getting deep, and deep is not something I profess to be.
Half of the small resolutions I don't even act upon.

Inability to make decisions. That's what chases people away from me. That's one of the worst qualities to have, and along with a myriad of other bad qualities, it's one I do have.

For some reason, a quote keeps coming to mind from the movie Juno.
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."
Maybe indecision isn't the best quality. But someone out there must like it.
Maybe I've found that person.
Maybe I haven't, who knows.

I just need someone to turn to.

Starting to feel another bout of something similar to depression, but not quite as severe.
And this one is staying hidden until I write.

Which is a good thing.
'Cause everyone really would hate to know what my worries are.
Thanks for reading.
Brittany.