Scripts.

As those of you who know me will already be aware of, I have a huge interest in language. Those of you who don't and haven't been following;
Have a look.
When I like a text, I don't just like it. I examine the text from every angle. When I love a text, the way I talk about it is incredibly impassioned- I am known for 'talking with my hands', but when I talk about a narrative or piece that I love, either my body language is so animated that I am exhausted by the end of a ten minute conversation, or I drift off in thought and speak as if I'm having an out of body experience.
When I very much dislike a piece, funnily enough, I have the same reaction. I love debate, analysis, and different viewpoints.

When I am asked to perform something, something scripted, I can't look at a piece without analysing every technique used, every inflection, every action in the stage directions. I love to act, and though I lack the necessary skill, it's one of the few times in my life I feel confident. The other is in my writing.
Back to the topic at hand.
For my extra-curricular drama class, I was given a monologue. Well, I've been given two, but this monologue I am to perform in front of parents, siblings, and anyone else who wants to show up. (Monologues are playing a big role in my drama studies this year, actually- for my exam in term two, I have been asked to write a monologue and perform it, and if it goes well, I aim to post it on here. If it doesn't... we shall see.)
This monologue appears to be untitled, and I don't know if it is from a play, but almost every word within it I agree with.
I am very much looking forward to performing it, it's not just a monologue, it's an opinion.
I'm not going to post the whole thing, just my favourite line.

...so I got frustrated and looked up the word "perfect in the dictionary. You know something, it's ironic, that we're all striving for an idea that comes somewhere between "penguins" and "pinball".

It's not that ironic, just stupid, put that way.
In my dictionary, perfect and all its affiliates come between perfidious- "Treacherous or decietful" and peremptory- "expecting immediate obedience without any discussion."
Is perfect average? Or better than? For that matter, what is better than average?
It's all opinion.

Before I finish, I want to thank a friend of mine who mentioned.. well, dedicated a blog post to me. It was really something, and a smart way to actually make me accept a compliment. I really appreciate it. And until that last paragraph, where you directly addressed me, you'd judged my response perfectly.

Thanks for reading.

Perfect.

I've got a huge decision to make.
It's not that big, but it's absolutely massive.
It's telling someone something that I know they won't think anything of.
Don't you hate when you are building up to something massive, if only to be let down by something so juvenile as a 'meh' response?
I know letting it get to me isn't a good idea.
I've been speaking to my boyfriend about a present, a gift, an offering of words.
I'm relatively sure he doesn't believe it's possible.
When I show him that it is, when I give my gift to him, I hope he'll feel something for it.
But words don't mean much to anyone else but me.
Which is why I don't believe he will.
I'm also meaning to give someone else some words.
But they will either give the juvenile "meh" response, or they themselves will think I am juvenile and obsessive.
I know I need to say them, no matter their response.. But courage is hard to work up.
I have a real fear of that, don't I?
I don't want to be immature, but the only thing that seems to come out of my mouth is dirty jokes.
I don't like being scared of something.
I suppose it's that inevitable want of teenagers, to grow up. Maybe maturity is something adults seek.

To be perfect.

That's how perfect I am.
It's a dream, and that's all it ever will be.

Fitter, happier, more productive,
comfortable,
not drinking too much,
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week),
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries,
at ease,
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats),
a patient better driver,
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat),
sleeping well
(no bad dreams),
no paranoia,
careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole),
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then),
will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors,
fond but not in love,
charity standing orders,
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),
car wash
(also on Sundays),
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,
nothing so childish - at a better pace,
slower and more calculated,
no chance of escape,
now self-employed,
concerned (but powerless),
an empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism),
will not cry in public,
less chance of illness,
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat),
a good memory,
still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick,
that's driven into frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

Radiohead.

Thanks for reading.
Brittany.

Sceptical.

I'm a sceptic. Since I was in primary school and was duped once, anything supernatural- God, powers/gifts, fantasy, anything, I can't believe in. It's not a matter of won't, it's a matter of my being physically and psychologically unable to do so. I'm happy keeping both of my feet on solid ground, maybe because, like every other human, I'm scared of the unknown, but as well, because of the fact that unlike seemingly everyone else I'm not scared of nothing. That isn't a grammatical error, I'm right in what I say there, I'm not scared of nothing. Of nothing coming after, of nothing out there. I'm happy in my thoughts that we're alone as a dimension. Dimension as in pure reality, not our galaxy or universe, because if humans are the most intelligent life form around we're pretty much stuffed.. We'll disintegrate ourselves.
I can't believe but I can accept what people do believe, which is well enough, because otherwise friends are something I'd be lacking in.
I don't believe in perfect. Nothing is, nothing can be, and I hope nothing wants to be. You can't be the strongest, the happiest, or the best all the time.