My exams are over, I have the results. My ATAR score was 82.35, which means I can apply to any university with a reasonable hope of getting in- UWA entrance rank is generally 80, Curtin & Murdoch are 70, and ECU is 50. It's a lot better than I ever expected to do. I beat my predicted ATAR, which was around 75, and I beat my own expected ATAR, which would have been 71-72. I'm immensely shocked and feeling just a bit of pride- I mean, I don't know if it was a fluke, but I was studying about 10 hours a day at some points, and studying hard for about three weeks, so maybe, just maybe it wasn't a fluke and I actually managed to do that well legitimately.
I am loving life at the moment, and even better, I'm starting to respect myself. I'm organising a trip away with friends, a kind of leavers without all the alcohol/drugs/sex/
I'm still with Joseph and loving him as much as ever, and because I'm not reliant on him for... well, living, then it leaves me more able to simply love and enjoy his company. I am eternally grateful and thankful to him, without Joe I know I wouldn't have made it through.
I don't regret feeling the way I did, because it's made me a more self aware person. I'm still convinced depression is something I'll continue to battle for the rest of my life, especially if I go off antidepressants, but having faced this and broken through I'm more equipped to deal with it and have more empathy perhaps, with both myself- yes, that does make sense, I'm pretty distant from myself usually- and other people who might be going through the same or a similar thing.
I just wanted to let anyone who reads know that I am okay, I'm living and living well, with not much chance of dying anytime soon. Thankyou guys, so much, for supporting me.