Sunday, February 27, 2011

I'm spinning.

But slowly. And every time I turn around 180 degrees I have the flip side of my emotions before.
It goes at a pretty gradual rate occasionally. I think I'm being wound up. I see the positive side of life, and then I turn around to face the negative side again. This goes over and over.
At the point I'm at now it's moving rapidly. I'm pretty sure I've been wound up, and now I've been released.
I'm seeing the good side now.

Someone get some juice in the mechanics so I won't be flung around to the bad side.

Friday, February 18, 2011

I feel overwhelmed.
The stress knots in the top of my back are worse than they've ever been; I swear they're completely solid. The amount of sleep I've been getting has been so minimal it isn't funny. I'm getting less than I was in the holidays, and not purposefully either. The amount of problems I've heard recently has caused me to be ridiculously worried for my friends and for my friendships with them. I'm easily angered, and annoyed by certain people. I'm attacked by emotion and by a sense of needing to belong. I've got homework for an average of two or three hours an afternoon.
What makes it worse is that every night I'm hit by a longing to have his arms around me or his breath on the back of my neck or his voice in my ear or his lips on mine. Which sounds ridiculous, because I am so judgmental of couples who can't seem to stay away from each other, yet I wish I could do the same. Hypocrite? Yes. Maybe I'll stop harbouring that belief now I know what it feels like.
I spent so much time with him in the holidays that I'm struck by a need for that once again. And it can't happen. The most we get is 50 minutes a day and a few hours on a Saturday.

However, despite my frustrations across pretty much all areas of my life, I'm happy, especially for me. The day I started school I started going cycling in the morning. I don't doubt the power of exercise to boost mood any longer.
School still manages to suck the good mood right out of my day, but at least I've got the mood booster in the morning.

Pointless post, I just needed to write and I had nothing much to say.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Don't you love how I go to bed when I say I do?

I don't love the part that I'm getting up at 6 or so for a bike ride, and knowing me I'll probably be on here another hour. Ah well. Reap the benefits but deal with the consequences.

I love and hate looking through old photos and posts of mine and others. Makes me feel regretful and happy and thankful and hateful.
Looking through different stages of just the past year has given me such a mixture of emotions.
Mostly happiness at my current stage and how different it was to just over 5 months ago, or anywhere between then and the beginning of that year. But sadness at some choices I made that would have been better avoided.
I don't regret the choices however, only that I wasn't smart enough to see that they would impact me negatively at the time. Every experience in my life adds to the person I am, and though that person isn't the most likeable person in the world, I don't know, with the personality I have, I could ever be happy with myself. So I'm as happy as I could possibly be as a result of the decisions I've made and the effort I've made to drag myself out of some recent... bad... moods.
I'm wondering at the possibility of lies, but surprisingly I find myself not that bothered by them, though of course honesty is the best policy.
Lies are something I'm quite heavily involved with, so I can't claim to be bothered by liars.
Last year was a good, amazing, terrible year.
And it was full of contradictions.
Go figure.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

And Blogger.

Youtube and MSN. Mind you, I just haven't made a decision on them. Might be them too.

The power of the mobile phone and the removal of attention seeking infantile posts and statuses sound like a good idea for a few days. Heck, I might give up the recreational use of the computer at all, I'm in the mood.