Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I promise. I promise I promise I promise. I am so in love with you, you don't even realise. I feel so bloody down at the moment, true, but the thought of suicide hasn't even seriously crossed my mind recently. Because I couldn't bear hurting you, I couldn't bear the guilt of that, even if I wouldn't have any feelings after my death. The guilt of knowing I'd do that to you would kill me before any sleeping pills or trains. Doesn't that show I'm feeling better? Doesn't that show you've made that? I love you Joe. I love you too much to hurt you, my heart is literally fucking bursting looking at you sitting on the other end of that computer screen and sobbing. I shouldn't mean that much to you. I'm worth absolutely nothing, you're worth everything. All I am is me. And you're my fucking world. I feel so inflamed by fucking anger at myself right now because I know that what you're feeling is because of me. But I don't even care. I don't care I'm worth nothing, because I know I'm worth more than that to you, and taking anything away from you would kill me, so I won't. I promise, I promise, I promise.