Exasperating mouthy twat of a girl doesn't know when she should shut her gob.
Sex crazed little freak seeking endless self destruction, doesn't know when to stop.
She pulls and tangles herself further into that knot.
Her words are missiles, but she doesn't know where they'll be lobbed.
But she doesn't mean it, she doesn't realise she's acting God.
Blame it on the hormones, the Pill, she isn't the boss
Of herself, she isn't in control of whether that switch is on or off.
She is at the cockpit, but all she sees is fog.
There is naught ahead, naught to live for, naught to die for, she waits with the tick-tock
Of the clock, the clock which lies, which laughs, which thrives on the throb
Of her heart, her lungs, rushing into her ears and drowning her, she is besotted
With her underwater palace, never drawing her eyes from the creatures which inhabit it, that mob,
Swirling, clamouring for attention, while ahead and above the light breaks through the waves atop.
She has been so long underwater watching her kingdom flourish, it appears she has forgot
Her inability to swim. Her palace is sinking, her dreams and glorious facade dying. With a nod,
She takes all in stride. They all know. She loves, she has loved, she will love no more. Gone, gone.
She is finished and done. She has devoured herself, left herself to rot. She is brought along,
And laid now to rest. They wait for her death with bowed heads, and to the sky, the earth, the sea, she gives her soul.

Let's lock ourselves away from the world and focus on each other forever.

Thrown into the jaws of salvation, they chew and spit. They don't like my taste, I've been dead too long.

I don't know what I am dreaming of, or thinking of, or acting on anymore.

Went to the doctor yesterday. Didn't break. I made sure I didn't, I couldn't, I wouldn't.
I told her what I needed to say.
I'm seeing a psychologist. I don't know when, but I've got another appointment with the doctor on Monday, and one on Wednesday with the psychologist.

I've slept about four hours total these past two nights, and these next few don't look as though they'll be  productive sleep wise either.
Last year of school. The ball.
I should be excited but I want to sleep through it.

Don’t let me rip myself away. I’ll try my hardest not to rip myself away, but I can’t do it alone, no matter what I tell myself.
I’m enjoying parts of life far too much now to give them up, but I’m still tearing myself away, like Velcro, but you can hear the pop as each part unhooks. It’s going slowly, agonisingly so. The force of my will isn’t enough anymore to keep me here, when half of it is trying and half of it is striving the other way. One side will win, this time round, but I’m not sure which way it will turn as yet.

Talking about the future, and views that disagree, and lives that may be at tangents to each other.

I found a memory from a tangent relationship today. I wish I hadn't. The best day of my life was then, and it's still the best day of my life. It was the first time I was honestly, purely, and simply happy since I was very young. Yet the person I shared it with won't share any experiences with me again.
Friendships deteriorate, hearts shapeshift, and minds wander to bigger and better.
I have what I want, but only in terms of one person. Can I have the best friendship of my life back?
No Brittany, bad luck.

I've committed myself to not doing anything against myself until Thursday. Thursday I have an appointment with my GP, one my mother made me make. Until then, I'm coping. Nothing more than that.

Someone come and make me happy.

I started crying during two of my lessons today. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact I only had three.

A few years ago I used to think crying myself to sleep every week was bad.
Now I can't remember the last night I wasn't crying.
Make it stop. I'm caught in the floodgates and I'm drowning in my own emotions.
I don't want to suffer, I don't want to be caught in this forever.
I'm dead already. My mind is empty, blank, stifling.
I'm playing Russian Roulette.
I think the last bullet in the chamber won't be too far away now.