Last night I was feeling pretty terrible. I wake up this morning, finish reading a biography of Billy Connolly, and I feel amazing. Not physically, I'm really sore, but emotionally I feel very free.
Last night I finished a diary which I started in January 2008. I was feeling pretty worked up about a lot of things, and now I don't see why I was worried about the majority of them to start off with.
I had an amazing time yesterday. I went to Kings Park and had a picnic with people I had only once met previously (last week), but for two of them who are in my drama class. Actually, I'd not met the majority of them at all, maybe half at tops. I'm so glad I've been introduced to them. I'm only completely comfortable with one person in my life, or at least, I was, and about half an hour into it I felt completely myself. I think it was something to do with how open and comfortable everyone else seemed to be in their own right. This just as an example- I think there were seven, eight, or nine openly gay people there. I don't have a problem with gays, quite the opposite, but I've never actually been in an environment with a lot of people (There were about 30-40) in which gays feel they can be open. It was lovely to see people so comfortable with themselves. I think, in the 10 short hours I've spent with these people, I've found something I've been missing for a goddamn long time, though I'm not sure exactly what it is.
I was told a couple of things by a few people that got me a little worried, and I was even more worried that when I confronted someone about it, their attitude still seemed to be much the same. This is only a small hurdle, but if I don't discuss it, I know I can dismiss it. The past is the past and people do change, if only slightly.
Other worries I've decided are inconsequential, because my future is my future, and I should spend my time focusing on trying to make the present as good as I can in preparation for the future rather than waste my time worrying about it.
I feel incredibly optimistic and happy as of this morning.
Where has that weight from my shoulders gone?