Sceptical.

I'm a sceptic. Since I was in primary school and was duped once, anything supernatural- God, powers/gifts, fantasy, anything, I can't believe in. It's not a matter of won't, it's a matter of my being physically and psychologically unable to do so. I'm happy keeping both of my feet on solid ground, maybe because, like every other human, I'm scared of the unknown, but as well, because of the fact that unlike seemingly everyone else I'm not scared of nothing. That isn't a grammatical error, I'm right in what I say there, I'm not scared of nothing. Of nothing coming after, of nothing out there. I'm happy in my thoughts that we're alone as a dimension. Dimension as in pure reality, not our galaxy or universe, because if humans are the most intelligent life form around we're pretty much stuffed.. We'll disintegrate ourselves.
I can't believe but I can accept what people do believe, which is well enough, because otherwise friends are something I'd be lacking in.
I don't believe in perfect. Nothing is, nothing can be, and I hope nothing wants to be. You can't be the strongest, the happiest, or the best all the time.

You know, the weather ain't that sensible.

So over the weekend I went on another one of my camps, but this one was only for older girls. I met my boyfriends' little sister for the second time, but I suppose the first time didn't count for much. She's actually really sweet. I didn't expect it, but I suppose that's through his recounts... not many older siblings love the younger one to bits, and vice versa.

I gained a pair of shoes from it; we'd been to the beach, and I couldn't find my flip-flops anywhere on the it, so I left without any shoes. It turns out the camp managers scavenged the beach for everyone's stuff, and they'd picked up a randoms flip-flops on the way. We couldn't exactly go back to the beach and return them, so I was told, "yeah, if no-one on camp claims them, you can keep them." I figure it's a fair exchange. Leave my flip-flops at the beach, gain a pair from the beach.

I took the most disgusting shower of my life. In the shower block-we were staying in tents- there were only three showers in the section, and there was one drain shared between each of them. This drain was blocked. Those of us in the girls showers in the block sounded as if we were taking baths, because we were showering standing in ankle deep water. That's everyones bodily fluids, dirt of the previous day and soaps and shampoo floating around our ankles.
Yum, huh?
The shower was still good, just because you know, showers tend to make one feel better. But disgusting nevertheless.


Other than the not so great fact of my intriguing shower, on camp I learnt to surf! I can surf standing up, with a lot of effort, but I don't mind as long as I can accomplish it. It's amazing; I'm hooked already. Soon as I get a job I'm saving up to buy a surfboard. Just a bulky learner one to begin with, but once I know I'm serious about it a proper one.
I guess it's a granted I'd find surfing amazing. I love anything to do with the ocean- not least of all bodyboarding. I mean, there's snorkelling, boating, cruising, swimming, fishing- it's amazing how many things the ocean can encompass. It's a life form in itself. The breath of the world being the ebb and flow of the tide, major civilisations built upon the sea, around it.

But even more than surfing, even more than anything else, has been something that's happened to me yesterday. I went through the worst storm I've ever experienced in my life.
I've recently started biking every day at six twenty before school, but I missed out yesterday morning because it was too dark. So after school, I walked home, and basically straight away got on my bike, despite the fact that clouds were growing prominent and the humidity was growing stronger. I thought, "Heck, I'll chance it."
Ten minutes cycling distance from the house, it bucketed with rain. We got off our bikes and walked. Ten minutes cycling distance doesn't equal ten minutes walking distance. It started hailing, some golfball sized. I have red scabs all over my arms and legs from it.

So we get back home, we squelch through the house, I have a lovely, warm shower and a hot cup of tea and then wring my clothes out.
An hour or so later (it's still pissing down with rain and hail and we hear the thunderclaps directly above us) we here an almighty crack- the eaves of the roof have given way, exposing bare wires. Mum rings the electricity company to ask for assistance, they advise her to turn the power off, and so we do. We sit there without power for a long time; we amuse ourselves through music and arguments. It was nice; family bonding time, you know?

First photo- our roof, before.

Second photo- family bonding time.


Third photo- our roof today.

The storm was pretty bad. In one of the bigger shopping centres, K-marts roof caved in and flooded. People were evacuated.
In all of this, something truly tragic happened. My friend got me a photo holder, a bear with a flower clip to hold the photo, as a small Christmas present a couple of years ago. The bears head broke off. See what I mean by tragic?

But seriously, worst storm I've ever experienced. It's scary what the weather can unleash on you. We're in for another one tonight though, though nowhere near as bad.
Oh, I love storms to bits, don't you? Pity I didn't actually physically see any lightning, just the flashes.

Aftermath photos following.




Thanks for reading.
Brittany.

Non.

[Non-adjustable masks
Non-combustible people
Non-essential thoughts
Non-committal promises.
Insecure careers
Insubstantial ideas
Indoctrinated beliefs
Inhumane acts.
Impartial decisions
Immaterial music
Impassive nods
Impaired power.
Undesirable qualities
Uneducated population
Unintelligible slang
Unexciting routines.
Existential conformity.
It's what we've come to.]
Not a poem, merely a collection of negative ideas that we are.

Compulsive lying is pretty easy to slip into when you know you need to lie.
It's what makes the world go around; lies and smiles to cover them up.
Compared to what I used to be though, I'm a hundredth.
Does that mean I'm a hundredth of myself, or a hundredth of somone I used to be? Or just a part of me is a hundredth of a part of my personality?
Anyway, I know why I started it, and it's ended now. I had become a person I had no intention of being and I'm slowly slipping back into the mould I formed for myself, which is a good thing, though I will definitely stretch outside of it, because I can't be kept within the confines of anything much. Too bad time is a confine. It spirals downwards until you are stuck in the same routine...
I know meanings now. The meaning of secret, of a thought, of the word 'love'. Over and over, I've learnt the meaning of the word act, in more than just the conventional way.
I always just wanted something normal.
Now I've realised that I'm me because I'm not exactly normal, and maybe because I have tried at points TO be.
Worrying is catching.
Caring is overrated, why do humans have to?
I'm leaving inconclusive trails of negative thought when for the last few weeks, I've been more content than ever before in my life. Relationships do seem to do that to a person. It's nice to be to be recognised by someone. Nice to be told "Oh, you're here, you exist... Come to think of it, maybe you actually matter" Every silver lining has a cloud though. I'm yet to figure out what the cloud is, maybe this will disobey the given rule.
Wow, I seem to have a problem with not having a problem. I feel infantile. Childish and unable. Words are inadequate.
I just want to think and to make others think. Is that so much to ask?
Brittany

Two in a day.
To be fair, I wrote the last one a while ago, I just needed a starting point.

Change

Change is imminent.
Change is now.
Change has already passed.
There's not much to distinguish between small and big, in the world of changes.
Some people'd say that to have your name remembered, you need to do something to change the world. Every step you take, every decision you make changes it, in some miniscule way.
But look at the people who have changed the world- Plato, Aristotle, Da Vinci, Einstein, Edison, Hitler, Stalin. They're responsible for revolutions in goverment, inventions, ideas, and hatred; and we are well aware of their names.
However names like Charles Babbage, Karl Benz, Tim Berners-Lee... Those who have done research into these topics would know them, but an average joe would have trouble distinguishing them from Kevin Clash. The modern western world is built upon the credentials of these people. The computer, the car, the World Wide Web. Yet they are nameless heroes.
Neither do we know the names of any leading scientists in cancer research- sure they haven't found a cure, but has the Queen done anything to help the human race? Have celebrities?
Yeah, the answer is no. Shouldn't people who are actually doing something to help recieve more attention?
I guess that's the plague of our generation.
If this generation will be trusted to look after the world in the future- and they will, no doubt, we're not gonna have the middle aged corrupt politicians and businessmen that we have now forever, are we now? Some would consider that a blessing, but with the little faith I have in todays generation I fear we'll wreak havoc on the world beyond repair, beyond the level it's already been subjected to.

Maybe I'll hire a rocket. Land on some distant planet somewhere that's relatively capable of supporting human life, and live out the rest of my days in blissful silence.
Rocket hiring shouldn't be too hard at all. -.-
Now, if you think of it, the people who want to revolutionise the world won't be known. We're reverting back to the primitive instincts. Bowing down to the best hunter, the best gatherer. Not the people who discover fire, just those who reel in cash and followers and ooze out good looks, charm, and/or talent in the arts.
I'm not saying these people don't deserve attention, but it's not just those with talent that are getting it.

Maybe the general public would be better put to supporting those who are changing the world for the better rather than sitting at home watching Gossip Girl or South Park with cans of Coke or bottles of beer in their hands.

Instead of empty, insipid dreams and thoughts, strive towards becoming a better person, to urging others to become a better person. Maybe we can change the near inevitable future of the world. It'd be nice to live in a society that thinks.

Thanks for reading,
Brittany.