I feel like the most pathetically reliant person on this earth.
Yesterday was my heaven. If there's anywhere that exists after we die for the good... I won't be sent there, but if there was and I was good, I'd be where I was yesterday. Not literally, but in the same place mentally with the same person physically. Not overwhelmingly bouncing-off-the-walls happy, but just completely at peace and content.
It's moments like that I live for. Feeling safe and contained within the room of life. The ceiling has never been there, and there's usually a wall or two that's fallen down, and I'm in leaning on one that's in a bad state of disrepair. You renovate that room, or give the illusion of renovating it and I can feel that for as long as my mind is contented with me being content for.
Just talking, and looking into your eyes, and seeing you reflecting the selfsame satisfaction and contentedness that I felt, and holding your body while you held mine. I felt so attached to you then. There's so much that can be said for physicality. Just being able to see you, and hold you, and feel your heart beating and know that my life is in safe hands for another day or so because I can remember that feeling and I want to live for it. And then curled up on a chair that wasn't built for two people. My head on your chest and legs across yours, watching a film that made complete and absolute sense to me and felt so right for the headspace I was in.
I'm in love. If we ever end, and when I'm middle aged I tell a 16 year old that they don't know what love feels like, someone kill me. Because this is the absolute strongest depth of emotion I've ever felt, and for it to beat suicide, or at least fight a very strong battle against it, means it is a lot. And maybe adolescent love is different to middle aged love, but you know, I can't imagine so. You can't give them the same name and call it a homophone. And who knows, maybe I'll be breathing to the world and still loving with each breath I give, and maybe I'll come home to you at night, or you'll come home to me, and maybe we'll stay the centre of each others worlds forever.
I'm not corny, be quiet.