Monday, January 31, 2011

11-ish PM, 26th Dec, 2009

You never know... People don't give a... No one ever knows. It's all... a rollercoaster of thought, with enough loops to keep you insane. You're pushing it, not treads, tracks, or electricity. You. And you don't know where you are finding it. There's a massive reserve of energy somewhere down there, but sometimes it runs out... and you're stuck.
Do you ever wonder how they find out if the seats are faulty? Is someone on there jolted off when it's stopped?

It is a rollercoaster, hey.All different people going "Fuck yeah, this is fun," or "Yeah, it's alright." Some people screaming for the fun of it, some screaming because they think they're gonna die. Some are just bored. "Jeez, I've been on more thrilling rides at the gym.

Funny, because when I'm on a rollercoaster I'd be of the first ones. Although the fuck would have to be taken off come New Year.
But on the rollercoaster we're powering, I'm more the person screaming for the fun of it. I overact myself. When I'm sad, you know. I'm sullen for days. When I'm happy, there's an actual smile fixed to my face that'll take quite a bit to take off. When I'm hyped up, I literally bounce off the walls, or try to.
Though a part of me is the last as well. "When will it end?"
I'm sick of the onslaught of weapons of mass destruction. If they insult me, I don't have my own stock of them. I'm going to throw the very expressions they throw back, though minus the hate. Hate is expensive. It costs wars, it saves people's lives, it destroys them, it wins wars, gains valuable opinions. It's the main cause of the world's problems. So when I get it thrown in my face I draw it in. Sure, some seeps out. I'm not a sponge, and hate is pretty hurtful, but I need my own supply of it. It's more than the equivalent of a nuclear bomb in modern warfare in the world of emotions. I need some to blast to protect myself in the battle of all battles.
I'm not a loved person, I know. By most people, I'm tolerated. There's quite a few who will turn their head in disgust as soon as look at me. But to the very few who welcome me, you're a part of my rollercoaster, and so far the ride hasn't stopped, and you haven't fallen to your deaths as the result of a faulty seat.


Signing off, at 11:32 PM,

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