Sunday, January 23, 2011

Ugh. Someone drive me back to camp please. It's only one more night, sure, but I'd still prefer it. I really feel worthless at the moment. I react arbitrarily to insignificant events, and even I look at what I am and think "What the fuck, that doesn't even make sense Brittany. Why on earth would you react like that to something like that?"
I'm too over the top. Too emotional, and too fucking stupid to change it.
I cried so much when I left camp today. Reading all the things that people wrote to me and looking at my fingerknitting and bangles... I feel validated, not to mention completely myself at camp. And that's for around three and a half days straight. At home, I only have moments, and those are fleeting.
I've lost me.
Drive me back to camp where no-one cares who I am, where I can be myself without worrying at all. Let me not shroud myself with pretention.

Fucking hell.
It was my last camp as a kid, I don't think I'll ever feel like that again. I know I'm definitely applying to be a leader, but that'll be a different sense of enjoyment.
I'm going to miss everyone so much.

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