Nights are difficult.
I stay up late not for the sake of staying up late, but to make myself so tired I can't think about anything when I'm going to bed, that I just fall asleep, without lying under my ceiling watching occasional car headlights filtering through my curtains, and thinking about light and death, about dark and life. That's what it all eventually boils down to. The light at the end of this tunnel is death, and life holds only dark.
That light is not death. It is life. One day, you will most definitely find that happiness you are seeking for in your life. I'm sure.
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