Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I noticed on Facebook today that a few people joined groups and posted statuses saying R.I.P for a particular boy. He didn't go to my school, but I know a lot of people who knew him. I went on the group's wall and saw so many consoling messages... "You will be missed, you were such a lovely face to see, always smiling." and a lot of messages that were similar.
Curiousity killed the cat. I wanted to know how someone that young could have been affected in such a way. So I went to his profile, and I scrolled down a bit and saw a couple of messages. "...I wish I'd talked to you more, and helped you more, and tried more, maybe I could of changed something..." and "i'm sorry that you felt that this was the only way out."
So I've kind of gathered how. And now I feel guilty. Not because of that, but because of what I've considered and how it could affect people.
The trouble is, it doesn't deter me. Nothing seems sincere, it all seems like empty words and pats on the shoulder, maybe a shoulder to cry on. You can't pat someone on the shoulder who no longer exists, you can't offer a helping hand to someone who no longer needs it.
Show love before someone could be forced to that. Words don't mean anything once it's done.
I try to find the time to tell people what they mean to me, or have meant, because it's nothing, nothing at all when they're gone.
If I go I don't want people who know me because they passed me walking to my next class commenting on my wall saying "You were always such a happy person."
They don't know shit.
I want the people I care for to be there before I go, and if I go I don't want them feeling like shit because they didn't try. Telling people what they mean isn't hard, and it's all you have to do if you actually give a shit about them.
The poor kid. I wish it hadn't come to this for him, it must be terrible for his family and friends.

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