I'm not really sure why I keep a blog. Originally it was to get my thoughts and opinions across. But it's turned into a personal rant, whether it be on the side of happy or not.
I feel as though I've made quite a few changes to my life recently, but when I look back it's only one change that's actually affected anything. By recently I mean in the past month or so. Am I happy? I don't know. But I'm having my moments.
My life is centred around schoolwork and another person. Nothing else is contributing, really. I'm trying to eradicate outside influence at the moment, shutting out outlets and people I don't want to be involved with. To be honest, I don't want to be involved with anyone, because I affect most of the people's lives I'm involved in negatively. That isn't a complaint, it's a statement of truth.
I really just want school to be over with at the moment. I'll move on to university then, which means more work, but it's centred around the subjects I want to continue with in life. And it leaves a lot of gaps for free time, and I can take up some opportunities and erase the false identity I have for myself in school. I'm tired of being selfish, I'm tired of having other people's expectations and memories of past experiences influence my behaviour. I'm tired of things I've grown out of.
I'm going to go to university, make new friends, shave my head, and start over.
I still have a year left. And I'm going to need to work hard in that year. I'm not erasing the opportunity I have for life.
Why did I write this? I don't know.
Procrastination. That's a good start isn't it?