Thursday, April 28, 2011

Today's one of those days I want to sleep and never wake up. I'm slipping towards a really low mood and I'm trying to keep myself from doing it but it's not working. I'm trying, I'm trying so goddamn hard that I'll kill myself just from the effort of staying relatively okay.

It hurts. Everything hurts.
People keep looking for reasons to justify why I'm feeling like this. There are none. There's no spark to it, nothing that sets these moods off. They just happen. It's my makeup, genetically and environmentally.
I can't deal with myself. I can't. But then other people can't deal with me either, they don't know me and I refuse to burden them with the knowing of me. I can't do anything.
I don't want to die, necessarily. I just don't want to... live.

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