Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I'm really worried about what people think of me. I don't show it, but I am.
Which is why I'm in such a depressive mood now.
But I'm more worried about other people in general. I can't help but sympathise with someone, no matter how small their plight is. So I'm blogging about that instead.

At the moment, my friendships are a bit mixed up and I'm not sure who's where on the loyalty scale, but I tend to stay loyal way past the point of time friendship should be over.
That's probably what's happening with my ex and my thought processes at the moment.
We grew to be best friends, he asked me out, we went out a couple of months, I broke up with him because it was too awkward, and we went back to being really close again. Except you can't go through something like that and let it not have an affect on a friendship.
I didn't get over him for a while. It's hard to when you're talking to this person everyday.
Which is probably why he's the one person I can never have a decent conversation with now.
I remember we used to be able to talk about anything at all and feel comfortable. Our conversations got really deep, but we could switch back to jokey in an instant. Of course, this was when we were just friends. I kind of wish I had someone like that now, a proper friend who I could say anything to. It'd help me out a lot right now.

He's going through some stuff at the moment, repercussions of dating people who were previously his best friends. It doesn't tend to work out, because friends are friends and relationships are relationships, and in the past... just over a year, he's been broken up with thrice because- a direct quote -"it was much better when we were best friends, now everything is awkward".
And I obviously have an opinion on this, because I have an opinion on near everything, but we've grown too distant for me to say it without worrying about offending him.
I really value his friendship, but it's so hard to keep it together. And he's changing as a person, trying to fit into a mould that he's not, and it shows. He hangs out with the boys who only have one thing on their mind, and only one thing coming out of their mouth.
He has a lot more depth than that...
People change, and everyone finds that.
There isn't very much you can do about it.

Absolutely nothing to do with what is going on, but it helps order my thoughts.

Thanks for reading.


  1. Hi,

    I don't think it is a problem that close friends get into a relationship. For all intents and purposes, being in a relationship is merely one step further then being good friends with someone else.

    I do understand your point that the closeness you have with your friend is not something you want to change: I take it that in essence this friend will always be someone you can depend on regardless of your relations with others.

    I suppose what I am trying to get at is that the relationship you talk about is just another form of friendship. Perhaps you're too busy trying to define each by certain parameters (not that labelling is wrong, because it is what it is, right?) that you're not seeing the similarities between both.

    Though it is your unique situation, so I may be seeing it wrong. Besides, I've never been in a relationship, because I do not see the point in it at this time in my life, so I may not be the best for advice.

    But as you said: people change. I'm sure this friend of yours is just going through a phase. If not, then I suppose it is his loss.

    Keep well!

  2. It probably isn't a problem, I can agree with you there.
    It just seems when I look at the experience he's had that it's a bad decision. Though I'm just being narrow minded there, because I've known plenty of people who've gotten into a relationship from friendship and it has been successful. However, none of these are people my age, which is understandable, the likelihood of meeting a person that one could stay with forever at a young age is minimal.
    Maybe it's a bad decision in the teenage years, the years of immaturity. I respect that you don't see the point in a relationship at the time in your life, and that's probably a smart decision, as compared to what I've chosen; merely for for the reason I mentioned before.

    I don't want to change our old closeness at all, but I'm afraid we're drifting apart and I am not confident enough to take that breakage and fix it. I feel like I couldn't lose him as a friend, but I don't seem to be doing anything to keep him as one either.

    I think that my problem is, as you said, that I'm defining my relationship to him through the parametres that I've known with him before, the traditional ones that I've seen exhibited, and tradition isn't really something that exists, especially among teenagers.
    It is my situation, but everyone can offer different interpretations, and it's good to hear the opinion of an uninvolved third person.

    Maybe it is a phase. These hormonal, typical, teenage issues force a lot of that. It's all part of changing and developing.

    Thank you for the advice, sorry that I responded later than I would have liked.

    You too.