I'm really worried about what people think of me. I don't show it, but I am.
Which is why I'm in such a depressive mood now.
But I'm more worried about other people in general. I can't help but sympathise with someone, no matter how small their plight is. So I'm blogging about that instead.
At the moment, my friendships are a bit mixed up and I'm not sure who's where on the loyalty scale, but I tend to stay loyal way past the point of time friendship should be over.
That's probably what's happening with my ex and my thought processes at the moment.
We grew to be best friends, he asked me out, we went out a couple of months, I broke up with him because it was too awkward, and we went back to being really close again. Except you can't go through something like that and let it not have an affect on a friendship.
I didn't get over him for a while. It's hard to when you're talking to this person everyday.
Which is probably why he's the one person I can never have a decent conversation with now.
I remember we used to be able to talk about anything at all and feel comfortable. Our conversations got really deep, but we could switch back to jokey in an instant. Of course, this was when we were just friends. I kind of wish I had someone like that now, a proper friend who I could say anything to. It'd help me out a lot right now.
He's going through some stuff at the moment, repercussions of dating people who were previously his best friends. It doesn't tend to work out, because friends are friends and relationships are relationships, and in the past... just over a year, he's been broken up with thrice because- a direct quote -"it was much better when we were best friends, now everything is awkward".
And I obviously have an opinion on this, because I have an opinion on near everything, but we've grown too distant for me to say it without worrying about offending him.
I really value his friendship, but it's so hard to keep it together. And he's changing as a person, trying to fit into a mould that he's not, and it shows. He hangs out with the boys who only have one thing on their mind, and only one thing coming out of their mouth.
He has a lot more depth than that...
People change, and everyone finds that.
There isn't very much you can do about it.
Absolutely nothing to do with what is going on, but it helps order my thoughts.
Thanks for reading.