The last conversation I had with him I mentioned I had a new favourite song. This was a long time ago. How long exactly, I don't know. But it was 'Forever Young'.
I just had a conversation with him on his blog about Morrissey. He remembers how much I like him. Well, I told him to listen to Morrissey, and he guessed it was me when I told him. And just after a conversation we had he posted the lyrics to Forever Young.
Shit, does he remember me as much as I remember him? Does he remember every incident as clearly as the day it happened? He remembers my favourite song from over a year ago, he remembers I liked Morrissey. Does he remember that day? Does he remember fake metal trees?
You've really thrown me off kilter here, Ryan. I haven't seen you in six months. I thought I blocked you out effectively enough. Obviously not, if two things you've done tonight have stirred up an unhealed welt of memories. Sigh.
I want to be your friend, I miss you.
The past sucks I know. Past relationships are even worse. Last weekend I thought I made peace with one of my past relationships, about two days ago I was proven wrong. Its been over a year and a relationship between and it still frustrated me that she has a boyfriend now. Heck, my latest ex ive said like under 150 words to her and it still hurts me so much that it essentially ruined ball for me, and afters. And then I still had to block her out of my life even more. I still don't know how my stories are meant to help, but yeah.
ReplyDeleteJust please, don't let this shit mess up your current relationship.
Thanks Aiden, though I think your advice is somewhat geared to the wrong engine. I was in a relationship with Ryan, but it's not like I still have feelings for him, it's more that I wish the relationship had never happened, because it completely destroyed our friendship. I don't have feelings other than I want that friendship back, because it was amazing. But if I've seemed to put that across then I should probably watch my words a bit.
ReplyDeleteDude, if you ever want to talk about any of this, I'm here- count me as a third person, an other perspective. I try to listen, not to judge.