Reliance and responsibility...

I'm thankful to have friends, friends I'm able to cry next to without feeling guilty, friends I can talk to about pretty much anything, and friends who I know are just there, just steadfast and trying to be strong, for themselves as well as me. A lot of people I know have none of those types of friends.
And I have all.
And I feel unlucky.
Maybe I need to learn to appreciate every aspect of friendship. Because those don't define anything.
I'm even luckier to have someone like my boyfriend. It's the first time in my life I know that no matter what happens, I can crawl to him on my hands and knees and he'll bend down and pick me up. We can just lie, me on his chest listening to his heartbeat.
You know how reassuring someone else's heartbeat is? It's so steady, and it confirms that you are alive yourself. You're hearing that. That is a life, and those vibrations of sound, those vibrations are your ears taking in information. That information, is transmitted to your brain. Your brain. Which does that unconciously. Which does a million and one different acts for you that you're not even aware of. But that's why you're living.

It upsets me that I have a weak heartbeat. Pressing my hands to my chest, fucking indenting it I'm pressing so hard, I can't feel a thing most of the time.
Maybe it's symbolic. I'm going to stand there for people as long as I can, but I can't cope well, I can't cope well at all.
What worries me is that if he's on his hands and knees, will I be able to pull him up?
Would I be able to pull any of my friends up?
I don't really think I'm that strong, that confident, that positive.
But I can try.
And I'll try my hardest.
And I'll improve.

I will.

Brittany.


One night to be confused
One night to speed up truth
We had a promise paid
Four hands and then away

Both under influence
We had a divine sense
To know what to say
Mind is a razor blade

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Ten days of perfect tunes
The colors red and blue
We had a promise made
We were in love

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough

And you, you knew the hand of the devil
And you, kept us awake with wolves teeth
Sharing different heartbeats
In one night

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

To call for hands of above
to lean on
Wouldn't be good enough