Thursday, May 20, 2010

What is 'human' anyway?

You know what fucking terrifies me?

Growing up.
I'm in year eleven now.
I have one more year left at school, after this one has passed.
People, peers, are leaving school, making their careers work for them. I feel like I don't have a choice, like I'm stuck.
I want to move! I want to go to uni, now. I feel as if I'm ready- grades don't seem to matter, but they do, so much, and it just binds you.
I fucking hate obligations.
I want to go to uni, and sit down and work at what I want to do.
I know all I'm doing at school is work. But I'd like to do uni work. I want to learn something specific to me. Drama. Teaching. English.
Not what I'm doing now. Forget Law and Politics. Forget Modern History. Forget Psychology. And fuck, forget Maths.
I'm really interested in the subjects I'm doing this year. But I just want to learn them. Not to do assignments and booklets on them. Chuck a few textbooks at me, leave me alone in a room for an hour or two, and I'll be engrossed.
Maths you can just forget about. I'm decent, I just can't force an interest.
That's a selfish wish.
Humans are selfish though.

I'm just human.
I'm also apparently a Champion. Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving.

And it describes me to a t.
Other than I'm a negative little so-and so.
Other than that it is an amazingly accurate description of how I percieve myself, at least within my own mind.
You should really find out what you are.
If it turned out that accurate for me, it's got to be just as accurate for others.

Today has helped me realise I can appreciate people I am surrounded by as people.
I have yet to realise everyones potential.

Thanks for reading.

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